Sunday, December 19, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The Little Things.
I write hundreds (literally) of posts that I never publish. In fact I am hesitating now because I know that I have written about this before, but I fail to remember if I posted it or not. I don't know what it is but I sit down to write about this extravagant, or horrible, or noteworthy event from the day and when I write it all out, the words don't seem to come and so it's importance just seems to dwindle.
We have assigned parking spots at school, I'm number #74. To my left is a jean-blue ginormous Toyota Tacoma. Also, it never pulls in all the way so when I back out of my parking spot at the end of the day, it is nearly impossible to see around it. So last week, while concentrating so hard to see around the back of this truck, I failed to look right and was nearly hit by another vehicle backing out of their spot. My first reaction was OOOOH @#$%#!! My second was "I have to go home and blog about it." So a walked in the door, dropped all my things and immediately picked up my computer to blog about it. So I wrote it all out, and suddenly I had this overwhelming feeling of WHY DOES THIS MATTER! It was my fault after all - you do need to look in BOTH directions when you are backing up a car. And then I deleted my entire post one letter at a time, 2nd grade style by taking my pointer finger to the backspace key. I let the blank page sit there, made myself a soft pretzel for snack, and then turned on Oprah.
Even now I'm forgetting why I wanted to tell that story. But at the end of the day, it just doesn't seem to matter. There are more important things to think about, do, and invest my time in. I want to write the important things, remember the important things, post the things that shape my life. But the words seem to come easier when I have a "near death experience" or when the Gap doesn't have the right size for a Christmas gift I wanted to give. In the end those are the little things though, the things that can get deleted. The important stuff stays closer to my heart, and is harder to pour out on "paper". When I started this blog it was my intent to share those things, I didn't expect it to be so difficult. Even now I want to delete this but I'll make you read it instead...
We have assigned parking spots at school, I'm number #74. To my left is a jean-blue ginormous Toyota Tacoma. Also, it never pulls in all the way so when I back out of my parking spot at the end of the day, it is nearly impossible to see around it. So last week, while concentrating so hard to see around the back of this truck, I failed to look right and was nearly hit by another vehicle backing out of their spot. My first reaction was OOOOH @#$%#!! My second was "I have to go home and blog about it." So a walked in the door, dropped all my things and immediately picked up my computer to blog about it. So I wrote it all out, and suddenly I had this overwhelming feeling of WHY DOES THIS MATTER! It was my fault after all - you do need to look in BOTH directions when you are backing up a car. And then I deleted my entire post one letter at a time, 2nd grade style by taking my pointer finger to the backspace key. I let the blank page sit there, made myself a soft pretzel for snack, and then turned on Oprah.
Even now I'm forgetting why I wanted to tell that story. But at the end of the day, it just doesn't seem to matter. There are more important things to think about, do, and invest my time in. I want to write the important things, remember the important things, post the things that shape my life. But the words seem to come easier when I have a "near death experience" or when the Gap doesn't have the right size for a Christmas gift I wanted to give. In the end those are the little things though, the things that can get deleted. The important stuff stays closer to my heart, and is harder to pour out on "paper". When I started this blog it was my intent to share those things, I didn't expect it to be so difficult. Even now I want to delete this but I'll make you read it instead...
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