The Big Red Tractor.

Delete delete delete. This is the fourth time I have deleted this entry and the fifth time I have started it. For some reason this is a tough one for me and I'm making a promise to myself that I am not allowed to press 'delete' until after I click 'publish post'. Excuse the typos...

Dustin (oops, I mean Big) and I have been married for nearly 11 months. Which is almost a year. He's not home right now - it's Fantasy Football draft party night. So I am home alone with Woodchuck Raspberry Cider, frozen pizza, and the Emmy's. Sometimes I like alone time and other times I do not. Sometimes I can't help feeling that when Big is out with the dudes, I'm getting ditched. I hate that I think that way, I really do. I know that I'm not being ditched, he's alowed to hang out with other people, I'm allowed to hang out with my friends and I do. But when there is no one else to be with, I do get upset that he doesn't choose to be with me. Am I being selfish? I don't know.

Earlier this summer I read "A Million Miles In A Thousand Years" by Donald Miller. At one point he is talking to a woman named Susan and he asks her if she believes if there is one true love for every one.

"Susan essentially said no. And she said that with her husband sitting right there in the audience. She said she and her husband believed they were a cherished prize for each other, and that would probably drive any other people mad. But then she said something I thought was wise. She said that she had married a guy, and he was just a guy. He wasn't going to make all of her problems go away, because he was just a guy. And that freed her to really love him as a guy, not as an ultimate problem solver. And because her husband believed she was just a girl, he was free to really love ger too. Neither needed the other to make everything okay, they were simply content to have good company through life's conflicts. I thought hat was beautiful."

I think that's beautiful too. I think that during the good times, I always remember that Big is 'just a guy'. But when I hurt or feel lonely, or simply just want him to be with me, I forget that he is just a guy and not the ultimate problem solver.

You might be wondering about the title of this blog. Big & I went to his parents house a few weeks ago and he took me on a tractor ride. When your riding a tractor with the man you you love, he is just a guy, a best friend, the only other person in the world. Why can't I see him that way always? Why can't we always feel like I do when we're sitting on the red 1967(?) Massey-Ferguson tractor.



... "As long as I'm with you, it really don't matter." - Jason Aldean

The Big Visit.

My in-laws are coming in T minus 24 days. It's the first time that they have ever come to visit us and are staying in our house. I'm freaking out. Like I legitimately a freaking out. Why? WHY? Because my apartment is a disaster. And does not reflect the angel of a daughter-in-law that they obviously think that I am. The amount of cleaning and organizing that there is to do in 24 days is unbelievable. 'But you have plenty of time' you say. But no, this is not true. I live in a pit, my life is a mess, and my in-laws cannot know this.

The Most Awkward.

Since starting my blog, I have thought about approximately 9,000 things that I want to talk about and share with my readers (which right now consists of well, no one). Anyway, this one is at the top of my list. It is by far the MOST awkward thing that has EVER happened to me EVER. Fasten your seatbelts, put yourself in my shoes, and hang on tight....

Last weekend "Big" and I took a long weekend to go to a wedding in upstate New York and then on to visit his parents in Erie, PA. We left right after work on Friday and drove and got stuck in traffic, and drove, and stopped to fix the bike rack, and drove, and got stuck in traffic and drove some more. And then we got to our hotel just after midnight. Are we all on board so far? It was a long trip. But we checked in to our hotel room and went up the elevator and made a left and stood in front of door 225 with tired eyes longing for a good nights sleep. So Big slipped the card key into the slot and took it out, but the door wouldn't open. He tried again with no avail, and on the third try the little green light blinked and we opened the door.

"Well that was weird," I thought as I heard voices from the pitch black room saying "Hello, HELLO?!"

Yeah... there were people sleeping in our hotel room, or rather we were standing in theirs. And Big & I were staring directly at their baby sitting in a crib. Awkward! The most awkward ever. Ever ever ever. If you can top it, I would be very interested to know.

The Beginning

So I got back from a small gathering of friends last night and told my husband that I wanted to be a blogger. "A whaaat?", he said. "A blogger, Sara told me I should." He laughed, he knows that I'm not cut out for this kind of thing but I was given a little bit of confidence so here I go! And then he he continued to laugh, and laugh, and laugh. Why this is so funny? I'm not really sure but then he told me that there is no one out there quite like me, which is why he loves me. Cute, right? Yeah, I love him too but I'm starting a blog and I need the support that only a husband can give.

To get his intrigue I told him that my blog needs a name, which we obviously argued over for a good 20 minutes (an explanation of the name will come in future posts). So when that argument ran dry I asked if he wanted an alias in my blog. I will most definitely be posting embarrassing things about him so for his own good I figured I should conceal his identity as best I can. From here on out, husband shall be known as "Big". He picked it, not me. And if that's what it takes for him to support my creative outlet, I'll take it.