The Nicest Thing Ever Said.

I started this post, and then I deleted it. And then I realized that writing this is going to make me cry.

If there are 2 people who mean the most to me in this world it is my Pops and Grammy. We celebrated Grammy's 90th birthday last September and Pops just turn 87 a month ago. I have few memories of him when I was young where he wasn't giving me horseyback rides. He assembled all of my dollhouse furniture. He taught me how to pick raspberries. He played Twister with my cousins and I and he won. We were best buddies, he would say that too. On my wedding day he said to me with tears in his own eyes "Ca, this is the best day of my life."

I cried then too...

After that picture was taken I walked away. And since then I have never thanked him for the single most wonderful thing anyone has ever said to me. Of course my wedding day was the best day of my life, but for him to love me enough the to say the same thing is indescribable, something that I will never forget as long as I live. I'm afraid to thank him, that was a year and a half ago and I wonder if he even remembers it. I'm more afraid to not thank him, he can't leave here without knowing how much he really means to me.

The First Memory.

I have this memory from when I was two years and two months old. I was in the hospital visiting my baby brother for the very first time. My Pops and Grammy brought me and they had let me get a balloon from the hospital gift shop for Mikey. I chose purple and it had letters on it I think, but I don't remember what it said. My Mom was lying in the hospital bed with my brother and Pops and Grammy were standing by the door. Grammy was wearing a black skirt, but that doesn't say much because that is what she wears in all my memories of her. Dad was holding me and I was holding the balloon. The thing is that I let the balloon go out the window but I didn't cry. It must have been too happy of a day for crying.

That memory is so vivid in my mind that I call it my first memory, but the thing is I don't even know if I remember it. So many people have told me that story that I think I remember it, but when I really really think about it I don't really know. The truth is that I have another memory, which is really my first memory but it is so vague that I have discounted it. Right before Mikey was born, Dad took me on a bike ride to Island Beach. 21 years later I took my wedding pictures there. It is one of those places where I remember growing up and I am sure that it will make other appearances in future blog posts. Anyway, all I remember is sitting in a bike sit on the back with a helmet on. I remember Mom standing next to me before we left, she was very pregnant and I was wearing sandals. When we got to the beach Dad parked his bike by the water fountain. I don't know if that is still there though. And that is all.

As much as I want to believe in the memory purple balloon and my baby brother I don't know if I can. I wonder what other things I know to be true simply because other people have told me so. I hope I don't discount the things that I know simply because it doesn't seem worth believing in or because the memory seems too far away.

The Merry Christmas 2010!

The Little Things.

I write hundreds (literally) of posts that I never publish. In fact I am hesitating now because I know that I have written about this before, but I fail to remember if I posted it or not. I don't know what it is but I sit down to write about this extravagant, or horrible, or noteworthy event from the day and when I write it all out, the words don't seem to come and so it's importance just seems to dwindle.

We have assigned parking spots at school, I'm number #74. To my left is a jean-blue ginormous Toyota Tacoma. Also, it never pulls in all the way so when I back out of my parking spot at the end of the day, it is nearly impossible to see around it. So last week, while concentrating so hard to see around the back of this truck, I failed to look right and was nearly hit by another vehicle backing out of their spot. My first reaction was OOOOH @#$%#!! My second was "I have to go home and blog about it." So a walked in the door, dropped all my things and immediately picked up my computer to blog about it. So I wrote it all out, and suddenly I had this overwhelming feeling of WHY DOES THIS MATTER! It was my fault after all - you do need to look in BOTH directions when you are backing up a car. And then I deleted my entire post one letter at a time, 2nd grade style by taking my pointer finger to the backspace key. I let the blank page sit there, made myself a soft pretzel for snack, and then turned on Oprah.

Even now I'm forgetting why I wanted to tell that story. But at the end of the day, it just doesn't seem to matter. There are more important things to think about, do, and invest my time in. I want to write the important things, remember the important things, post the things that shape my life. But the words seem to come easier when I have a "near death experience" or when the Gap doesn't have the right size for a Christmas gift I wanted to give. In the end those are the little things though, the things that can get deleted. The important stuff stays closer to my heart, and is harder to pour out on "paper". When I started this blog it was my intent to share those things, I didn't expect it to be so difficult. Even now I want to delete this but I'll make you read it instead...

The Holiday Season.

That's right, I said it. I know you didn't want me too but I did it any way. But it's true it is! And this is how I know how...

Outside my own front door the town of Ipswich (which has connections to Santa Claus himself) hung these beautiful holiday signs. And if I were Martha Stewart you would also see this outside my front door:

It would probably have a red ribbon though... Happy Holidays!

The Backstreet Boys.

OhMG! My heart is beating so fast! Call me a freak but the Backstreet Boys are singing on Oprah. AAaaaanndd I'm flipping out. I wish I still had proof of my pre-teen love - a mass collection of TeenBeat magazine and collages hanging in my locker.


Brian Littrell was the first person I ever had feelings for. Closely followed by Andrew Keegan from 7th Heaven and 10 Things I Hate About You. And who didn't love JTT?! Okay I wasn't that crazy, I promise. Plus you can't make fun - we all had teenage celebrity crushes right? Right?! Who was yours?

PS - Isn't he dreamy!?

The Good Stuff

Doesn't the sun shine just a little brighter on some days than others? It's not that nothing could go wrong, but rather that the good things just seem a little better. So here's the good stuff:

When I was working at my previous job, I drove to infinity and beyond. Okay, maybe not infinity but at least the "north shore" and beyond the North Shore being from Salisbury to Beverly to Westford. I seriously filled my gas tank once every 5 to 6 days. Ready for the good news? The last time that I fill my tank was Wednesday October 20th. 12 days later I still have a half a tank left. This is glorious! I do not live at the gas station anymore.

While Big was removing a tree stand used for hunting from the woods, a branch attacked his eye and scratched his cornea. This is not the good news. In fact this story doesn't contain any good news besides for the fact that the eye is healing quite nicely. Anyway, the scratched cornea meant that I got to play nurse all weekend. It made me feel really good to take care of my hubby :) Vomit if you want but I loved the feeling of looking after him and making sure that he had everything he needed to feel better as fast as possible.

There is one thing better than a Mounds bar which is an Almond Joy. Just add an almond and it changes the entire flavor. Not to mention it has the word joy in its name. Thank goodness for bingeing on leftover Halloween candy.

A clean living room is maybe the best feeling ever. (Okay, second to bingeing on Almond Joy in a clean living room). I love Big so much that he shall have a spotless living room by the time he gets home from his rehearsal. I would say that I am lazy 90% of the time but I simply thrive for that 10% where I want to nothing but clean clean clean.

I figured it out, this is the good stuff: Bingeing on almond joys and drinking white zinfandel in a clean living room while watching The Real Housewives. Thank you blog, I figured out the key to happiness.